Once again, an idea worth billions

Posted on by Dale

Okay, people, this is the last time I’m going to share this idea with the universe. I’ve mentioned it to several of my acquaintances whom I thought capable of creating this world-changing service, but so far none of them have taken up the challenge of making themselves filthy rich (and by extension, via a miniscule royalty of 1% share of the profits, me).

Here’s the deal: For some time I’ve been using Cremo shave cream, Original formula. When I was about to run out, I put it on my shopping list. I ended up with a Sandalwood version — I love sandalwood, and this would make my twice-weekly shaving more pleasurable.

Or so I thought. The perfume was so strong that I could still smell it at the end of the day, which is not how I choose to express myself.

[Stick with me, you’ll see what I’m at in a moment.]

I returned to my regular Kroger. There was no Original, only Sandalwood.

I checked at Publix. They had only Citrus and some other perfumed cream.

I checked at Walgreens where, again, they had only scented creams.

Dear Reader, I ordered from Amazon. I know, I know, but what was I to do? Drive all around town and stop at every grocery store or emporium to see if they had what I wanted?

Nope, even though I really really want to shop locally. So here’s my idea: Start up a website/company that serves as an Amazon for local businesses. Make your inventory software interoperable with whatever major inventory software is being used by local businesses. They sign up to share their inventory.

I need Cremo Original formula shave cream. I go onto buyhometown.com [name TBD], input my zip code, do a search  — and poof! I can see who has it in stock and I head out the door to buy it.

More: Merchants get a report of what people have been looking for but couldn’t find, giving the merchants a chance to consider stocking the thing. BuyHometown sends emails to shops that haven’t signed on showing how more business is being shunted to those shops that have signed up; the latecomers sign up, rinse, repeat.

More: BuyHometown offers its own inventory system for merchant use.

How are you still reading this and not already putting together a prospectus??

Remember: 1% share of profits. Miniscule, I tell you.

P.S. Amazon, you are not allowed to use my idea. Unless you hand over a royalty of 5% share of the profits.

P.P.S. Once I am filthy rich, tax my filthy rich ass.

This Easy Question should be a no-brainer.

Posted on by Dale

Well, it should be a no-brainer, but we are dealing with supremely evil people.

My email to my Republixanazi congresscritter, Brian Jack. We all know that he’s still working on getting his office organized (though for my last email to him I didn’t even get the boilerplate “I’m still organizing my office five months after the election” email), but maybe, just maybe he’s as appalled as decent people over the outrageous ICE kidnappings.

Your administration is now disappearing people from off the streets, smashing their car windows and pulling them out, whisking them away to secret prisons without regard to due process or even decency. Your Gestapo won’t even show their faces, hiding behind masks as they continue to imprison innocent people.

How do I know they’re innocent? Because they haven’t been given a trial, and until they are convicted in a court of law they are — stop me if you’ve heard this one before — INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. That’s the bottom line, Brian Jack, and my understanding of your political makeup leads me to believe that you fully support the Nazis as they dismantle our legal system.

My question for you today is: Do you in fact support the Nazis as they dismantle our legal system? What are you doing to pressure the Nazis to free Kilmar Abrego Garcia, for example?

I’ll be posting your response to this over at dalelyles.com — I do notice that you haven’t replied to my earlier emails, so the presumption of Nazi sensibilities will stand until you issue a statement condemning the overreach of ICE and the current administration.

Just curious, have you ever read much about Robespierre?

Who knows, maybe Brian Jack has a conscience?

About that “Ponzi scheme”

Posted on by Dale

Members of our fascist party have taken to describing Social Security as a “Ponzi scheme,” attempting thereby to create the impression in the brains of amygdala-based lifeforms that it’s a scam and we need to “reform” it, by which they mean “destroy it.”

This has been a fever dream of our Republixanazi Party since Social Security was implemented 90 years ago. For some reason they cannot comprehend that providing a small sum for the elderly, the disabled, and the orphans is actually a good thing and can mean the difference between barely sustainable living conditions and absolute misery.

So let’s talk about their metaphor. Is Social Security a Ponzi scheme?

No. It is not. A Ponzi scheme is designed from the very outset to cheat its investors. Those at the bottom of the pyramid pay into the system, but they never see a return on their “investment” because it’s all a scam, remember? Only the rich assholes engineering the scam ever see any money out of it.

This is prima facie not how Social Security works. It’s not how it was intended to work. It intended to use the tax revenue from current workers to provide a monthly check to retired workers (and/or their dependents).

Yes, it is true that you — as an individual — do not “get back” the money you paid in. That money has already been spent to help others, and now others are paying to support you.

Is the system in trouble? A bit, and for the moment we will ignore the fact that Congress fupped over Social Security by raiding its bank account and never paying that money back. (Talk about Ponzi schemes!)

If the system is in trouble, you might think that smart people would examine the issues and come up with a solution. Indeed, many people have suggested several approaches to the problem, like here and here. As you will see if you click through, no solution is without its own problems — but they are solutions.

So the question arises, why is our Republixanazi Party  — if they’re so concerned that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme — not pursuing solutions?

(Answer key: Because they want to kill it and suck up your money through actual Ponzi schemes like the stock market.)

One more comment: Our Republixanazi Party sneeringly describes Social Security as an “entitlement,” playing with the pejorative sense of “entitled” to make us feel dirty about accepting these funds. The fact is, though, that we are in fact entitled to those funds; they are an earned benefit. We earned them. We are entitled to them.

Do not let the fascists lie to you. Resist.

Can you “deport” U.S. citizens?

Posted on by Dale

Yesterday, Karoline Leavitt, aka Fascist Barbie, aka White House Press Secretary, allowed as how the Current Administration is looking at ways to “‘deport’ U.S. citizens to El Salvador.”

Just like all those vicious criminal immigrants we recently kidnapped and send to a concentration camp in El Salvador, these U.S. citizens would apparently be snatched off the street and hustled into some black holding tank before being sold to the slavers in Central America.

You will notice that nowhere in the process are these citizens given their due process rights: knowing what they’re charged with, having a free and fair jury trial, and above all, having the chance to state their innocence while the government has to prove their criminality.

You will also notice that we deprived the deported immigrants of those same rights, assigned by the Fifth Amendment to every “Person” in the country.

So yes, it’s a little concerning when the Current Administration admits it wants to do the same thing to citizens.

Important point: You cannot “deport” a citizen. What is this, “The Man Without a Country“?

And so I sent my Republixanazi congresscritter, Brian Jack, an Easy Question:

Karoline Leavitt, as part of her official duties, confirmed yesterday that your administration is planning to “deport” U.S. citizens to El Salvador.

I must assume that you, as a member of this administration, support this criminal attack on due process. If not, just say so and I’ll publish that on my blog.

How’s that office organization going? It’s only been 153 days since the election.

I’ll publish any answer he sends me.

 

Easy Answers redux

Posted on by Dale

I am re-upping my Easy Answers series, wherein I ask my elected congresscritter a very easy question and then report on any answer they might give.

Today: https://www.axios.com/local/salt-lake-city/2025/03/17/navajo-code-talkers-trump-dei-military-websites-wwii

I emailed my Republixanazi congresscritter, Brian Jack, and asked this easy question: Do you support this brute Stalinesque purge of our nation’s history?

It’s a simple yes or no question, right?

You should know up front that it has been 131 days since Nov 6, 2024, and so far this is the only email response I have ever gotten from Rep. Jack:

Dear Friend,

Thank you for contacting me and taking the time to share your thoughts on this important matter.

As my office gets up and running, I will be sure to send you a more detailed response. I simply wanted you to know that your opinion has been noted and your voice has been heard.

It is a great honor to serve as your Representative in Washington, DC. I am humbled to take on this responsibility and look forward to serving our great state and Nation to the best of my abilities. To better stay in touch, please sign up to receive my e-newsletter through my website.

Sincerely,
Brian Jack
Member of Congress

131 days, and his office is still not fully functional. Maybe DOGGIE should look at the government efficiency on Capitol Hill.

At any rate, I will post any real response here. I don’t expect to get a real response, just some pusillanimous bullshit about tHe PrEsiDeNt’S AnTi-dEi racist policies, as if they are valid or in any way a good thing for our country.[1]

—————

[1] They are in fact neither valid nor good in any way for our country.

A serious question

Posted on by Dale

Back in 2015, our friends and we set out for Arizona. It started when one of our members wanted to experience the “thin places” in Sedona, and then my Lovely First Wife turned into a large-scale trip involving Flagstaff, Grand Canyon, Antelope Canyon and a sweltering raft ride on the might Colorado, Sedona, and squeezing in the Montezuma Castle National Monument on the way back to Phoenix. (You can read all about it here. And of course my world-changing Lyles REMS Scale of Woo. In both instances, scroll to the bottom and work your way up.)

THE POINT BEING that while we were in Sedona, we indulged in all the woo we could find, including having our chakras balanced at the Center for the New Age, and somehow my email got attached to my Lovely First Wife’s signing up for a weekly newsletter.

So yes, ten years later I check my “personal horoscope” from the Center every week. In my defense, I am an Existential Mystic [see: Lyles REMS Scale, linked above], so it’s always good to check in on what the Universe is up to, even if it is mere wooish mumbo-jumbo.

Occasionally, of course, said horoscope just offers up tantalizing visions of what could be. Unfortunately, they almost always involve my getting off my ass and putting in the work. How is this even fair, even? Why isn’t the Universe just handing to me if that’s what the Universe has in store for me? Can I get an amen?

Anyway, this week’s was rather upbeat, given the hellscape we are currently entering:

Taurus (April 20-May 20) Weekly Horoscope: for Taurus & Taurus Rising

House Impacted: 10th house (career, public image)
Themes: Dream big, act boldly.

Taurus, it’s time to turn your professional aspirations into action. Venus and Neptune in your career zone are stirring up creative visions of what’s possible, but daydreaming alone won’t get the job done. Jupiter stationing direct in your 2nd house helps clarify your financial priorities, while Venus in Aries on February 6 inspires you to work behind the scenes on your next big move. This isn’t about instant results—it’s about setting the stage for long-term success.

IRL Tip: Write down one bold career goal and take a small step toward it. Whether it’s scheduling a meeting or updating your portfolio, progress starts now.

I mean to say, how mean is this? For one thing, WHAT ONE BOLD CAREER MOVE SHOULD I BE WRITING DOWN?

That’s a serious question. How the fupp should I know?? I mean, really, how should I know what that one bold career move should be?

I am taking suggestions in comments.

More thoughts on good things

Posted on by Dale

More thoughts on Bes.

As I worked on the t-shirts, coffee mugs, and stickers over at CafePress yesterday [for Bes’s sake, CafePress, make your processes make sense], and the more I thought about the Be Bes Initiative, the more existential it became rather than just political.[1]  [2]

An ugly little statuette of the Egyptian god Bes is shown, with the words BE BES beneathTo recap: Bes was the ancient Egyptian god who protected households, particularly mothers, children, and childbirth. He came to be regarded as the defender of everything good and the enemy of all that is bad, and since he drove off evil, Bes also came to symbolize the good things in life – music, dance, and sexual pleasure.

Faced with an existentially cruel administration seizing the reins of power in our country, we must commit ourselves to the side of Bes, to the side of homes, families, food and drink, music and dance, human intimacy — in all its forms.

So herewith, a minifesto:

  • We believe that home, family, food, drink, music, dance, intimacy are good.
  • We believe that everyone, every human, has the right to that which is good.

sidebar: In his Ethics for a New Millennium, the Dalai Lama begins by asking the reader two questions: Do you seek happiness? Do you seek to avoid pain? And then he asks a third question: Do you imagine that other beings seek the same things? All ethics proceeds from there.

  • We believe that anyone who denies any human the right to the good is placing themselves on the side of evil.
  • We will defeat evil

But but but… I can hear objections already. No.

“They should have come here legally…” — bzzt! Congratulations: You’re on team evil.

“Their lifestyle is a sin…” — bzzt! Team evil.

“They shouldn’t have done drugs…” — bzzt!

“Homelessness is their own fault…” — bzzt! You have chosen to be on team evil.

“Yeah, well, why should I obey a pagan god…” Sure. Fine. Try listening to your own god, then.

And he will answer them, ‘Yes! I tell you that whenever you refused to do it for the least important of these people, you refused to do it for me!’

Be Bes.

—————

[1] You’d better believe it is political.

[2] Please understand that I am not doing this to sell t-shirts. You are all welcome to steal the Be Bes image and use it for good. My interest is in the initiative, to shame and expose the evil in our country. (Bigger version here.)

All the good things

Posted on by Dale

First, allow me to deeply apologize for not blogging our recent trip to Egypt. I intended to, but beyond the usual spotty wifi aboard a Viking River Cruise (otherwise flawless other than the lack of bitters at the bar), the trip was an absolute slog. Maybe I’ll share some details later. Maybe.

Second, I discovered a new presence for the labyrinth: Meet Bes, the Egyptian god of the household.

This jaunty little fellow is depicted with squat, bow legs; cat ears; protruding tongue; and, naturally, erect phallus.

From his Wikipedia post: Bes was the ancient Egyptian god who protected households, particularly mothers, children, and childbirth. He came to be regarded as the defender of everything good and the enemy of all that is bad, and since he drove off evil, Bes also came to symbolize the good things in life – music, dance, and sexual pleasure.

It occurred to me almost immediately that we need Bes, since we are now facing an overwhelming evil in our nation, and who better to bring along to defend us than the defender of everything good? And so…

I’m thinking I’m going to whip up some t-shirts and other merch over at my Lichtenbergian shop at CafePress, because nothing drives the theocrats crazier than people having fun and doing good right in front of them. As H.L. Mencken said, “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

The fact that it mocks the previous lame-ass “initiative” of one or more family members returning to our White House next week is icing on the deliciously snarky cake.

Stay tuned.

update: Ta-da! https://www.cafepress.com/shop/Lichtenbergianism

Rant: This is why we can’t have nice things

Posted on by Dale

Today over at the faceplace — and for over a week now — people have been posting memes/screenshots about our country’s piss-poor, for-profit healthcare system. Today a friend posted this screenshot:

And then someone she knows — not anyone I know — posted this:

This is breathtaking in its heartless, deliberately insulated opinion. (The author is CEO of his own capital company, so that’s our frame of reference.) Let’s dismantle it, shall we?

Right off the bat, the name-calling. Oooh, SOCIALAMISM, KENNETH!! The scary bugaboo shibboleth of every rich shithead ever. It’s not the insult you think it is, asshole.

Sure, it sucks that these people blew their savings to try to prolong her life. I mean, who does such a thing?? The asshole’s sneering “I’m sorry” is completely warranted, I’m sure. After all, what other resolution to this tragedy could there possibly be (in this country THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WITH THE GREATEST HEALTHCARE IN THE WORLD EVEN)??

Then we get to the crux of the matter: Superior beings, those Masters of the Universe that the right wing is so anxious for us all to worship, plan their lives better, don’t they? I mean, they live healthy lives, so they never get cancer. That’s just common sense, right?

And even if they do, they’ve saved enough to get the medical attention they deserve, because they planned their lives better than those people. The poor people.

Then we close out with the sound of the point of the screenshot whooshing right over the asshole’s head: “If you want medical attention, you have to buy it from the person who spent their whole life to become a specialist and from a system that invested large amounts of capital that it borrowed from individual private investors to build the facilities and buy the equipment.”

I guess when capital is your only tool, then every problem is a profit/loss ratio problem opportunity, right?

Jebus H. Cthulhu, dude, you just posited the entire problem with our healthcare system as the way it should be. It never occurs to you, does it, that a multiverse is possible where we as a society, through our government and our taxes, will do the investing and building of our hospitals and clinics, and the whole concept of private investors recouping their investment with a profit of course what are you a socialist KENNETH? will die a silent death.

Kind of like the death he wishes on the lady in the screenshot.

Cocktail update: The Citrine

Posted on by Dale

As you may recall, I recently invented a cocktail called The Citrine. It was notable in that its ingredients were all handmade: the plum vodka from my neighbor, the simple syrup from me, and the shrub from a small company in Smyrna.

But Dale, I hear you ask, what happens when your neighbor runs out of plum vodka, and now that the small company is Smyrna has shut down, what will you do for the Peach & Cardamom shrub?

Follow along, class, and let’s fix this together.

First, the plum vodka. I am not a fan of 95% of flavored base liquors, but I am not unaware of the multitudinous abominations in that category, so I was sure I had never seen plum vodka. And I hadn’t. I was helped by a young person who was stocking the shelves, and even he had to have it looked up so he could find it. (It was on the top shelf of the vodka section, where neither he nor I had dreamed of looking because — trust me — it’s not top shelf material.)

This is Plush. It is too sweet to be a vodka, more like a liqueur, so that meant a complete rejiggering of the ingredients. In addition, rather than the original apple simple syrup, I decided to make an apple cider simple syrup for a little extra edge (recipe to follow).

The Citrine (non-handcrafted version)

  • 1 3/4 oz plum vodka (Plush)
  • 3/4 oz peach & cardamom shrub
  • 1/4 oz apple cider simple syrup

Shake with ice, strain into a Nick & Nora glass.

You will notice that we use triple the amount of shrub in this version; that’s how sweet the Plush is.

Apple Cider Simple Syrup

Boil 3 cups of apple cider with 1 cup of turbinado sugar until the sugar is dissolved and the cider has reduced to 2 cups. Cool. Add an ounce of vodka, calvados, or applejack to the mixture to help prevent mold.

We have one more variation to try: plum brandy, or slivovitz, which is marginally easier to find than plum vodka. And I may make an apple cider syrup with brown sugar to see if that adds depth to the drink or not. And I have found a peach/cardamom shrub recipe that I will be trying early next week. (I’m aiming to serve this at a holiday function where apparently I am the go-to bartender.)

Stay tuned.