There’s more

More spam email subject lines:

  • Identify Your Strength and Weekness
  • View Recent gastric Bypass Solutions
  • Here’s a Great-way to Get Your Bladder Under Contro….
  • Life Saving Flashlight
  • Summer Drone Sale
  • Discover The Least Attractive Cities in America [ed: What?  Why?? And it’s actually from a legit source.]
  • Find Breast Augmentation Here
  • (dale) Start a fire in any condition
  • If you have always-assumed renting a private-yacht…
  • Unflattering-tabloid photos expose Melissa…

 

Spam poetry

Time once again to flush the old spam filter…

(All capitalization and punctuation exactly as in the original.)

  • 12 Biblical Ingredients That Can Reverse Diabetes
  • 3 Things Jesus Said About How To Cure Disease
  • THIS is how Korean girls get rid of blackheads
  • Browse Used cars That Go Wherever You Take Them
  • Compare Alcohol Rehab Options
  • (dale) Doctors amazed at new “gut” medicine
  • Harvard studies “Viagra” for the brain
  • Tactical LED Flashlight
  • Financing Programs make Walk-In Bath Tubs Affordab…
  • 2 Match users are searching for you (find out who)
  • The Business-Candidacy Registry is In-Need of Your…
  • Online Bachelors, Study At Your Own Pace
  • We miss you Dale Lyles
  • Find an addiction rehab center today
  • The sale is almost over for this amazing flashligh…
  • This will change your life..
  • Find A Golf Date
  • Regarding your Participation in a Rosacea Clinical…
  • Enjoy The Company Of Majestic-beasts In The Africa…
  • (dale) Want Trump’s brain?

And with that, I’m out.

——

Not quite. I couldn’t resist taking a peek inside that last one.

Imagine less exhaustion, more focus, and a better memory. =
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 Find out what CEOs like Donald Trump and other world leaders ha=
 ve known and used for years. =0D
 No tricks. Just solid nutritional science. =0D
 Learn More >>=0D
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    =0D
     Funded locator nearest modify, but marketplac=
 e weekend. Numbers catalog chess, then gear yahoo altered reminder, and cus=
 tomer. However, fabric frequency algerian message, so advertise morgen, or =
 personalized. But, engineering thank teaching honolulu, and so belong item.=
 Fax view ticket phase, and employer, but password reference, so chi. There=
 fore, juno posted, then freemail, or banking chad, and so june damage. Howe=
 ver, update dad, and so size brush, or tonight sale, and dine, then inspect=
 ion, so confirmation. Foundation at library hunger, but discussion powered =
 anon, and puzzle. Gallery strip, but tax reliance, and so page, so saturday=
 . Seller webmaster, then thread sharply, or liable, but para. So, pickup re=
 ferral dear, so developer wallpaper, or log quantity study, then alert. Als=
 o, team dispatch command, and splash settle. Church pour sender, and so tha=
 nks might, then mailman matched. Topic postcard comic, and so periodic embe=
 dded, or herr. Inquiry recipient.=0D
 =0D
 =0D
 This email went to dale@dalelyles.com. For no more from us, go here=0D
 Can also reach us by mail at =0D
 300 33RD AVE S STE 101 - WAITE PARK - MN 56387-4523=0D
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     The press, t=
 hen needs stop, and grasping false, but equivalencies between, so trump cli=
 nton. An italian bishop issued, then sharp critique, so suspected shoddy, =
 and so construction behind. A major democratic, so group, and so canceling=
 spending ohio, or senate, but race where. Trinity health hospital, and mi=
 not have, but agreed, then principal legal, so settlement with. As refugee=
 , and so children escaped, so boko, but haram starve, then nigeria, or prob=
 es theft. The latest syrian kurdish, and so fighters, or turkish military,=
 but reportedly agree temporary. Los angeles police have, and been called =
 singer, so chris brown home. The state department says, or about emails in=
 volving, then attack compounds benghazi. Simona halep, so gave, then herse=
 lf less than, and so quick, or work kirsten flipkens. The agriculture depa=
 rtment, then closed offices, but five states after, or receiving anonymous.=
 Small liquid visited couch, and so this changes, and with this ea=
 rly, but when standard, then matter challis dark, or neptune have, so colle=
 ge, but similar clarify december after, and douglas than, then longer, so t=
 ables detected, or where video methane nice, and so outer neptune, and with=
 this, so will, then also, but been, and so item from, or object outer, so =
 timeline mass complete, but which every, and so august that, or even linda,=
 and solid equator, then that about, so them where, or giant largest, but s=
 outhern deck, then solar, and review, and so imaged, or caused shape, then =
 into neptune, but uranus methane, and seven, and so active, so royal locked=
 being, but deeper planet, and so with smallest same, and galle speeds, or =
 space, so planet, then body large, or large times, so complete this, and so=
 magnetic video neptune, but contain these, then neptune march, and souther=
 n, then kuiper terry uranus.=0D
 =0D

That’s poetry. But I’m already years behind on my SUN TRUE FIRE project, so I will resist the urge to turn that into something.

But you can. Be my guest.

New Cocktail: the Pear-ly Legal

I bought pear juice for a Vanilla Pear Margarita, and that was fine but not exciting.  So now I’m stuck with all this pear juice.  I grabbed the first thing to hand, and …

the Pear-ly Legal*

  • 1.5 oz pear juice
  • .75 oz apricot liqueur
  • .5 oz cognac

Shake with ice.  Garnish with a thin slice of pear, edged with cinnamon sugar.

This is quite tasty.

—————

  • Thanks to Craig for the name!

A yummy recipe

Last night I intended to make a shrimp/pasta dish using some basil, kind of a pesto-like Alfredo sauce kind of thing.  But then…

After I had prepped the shrimp, the resulting sauce was too good to mess up with additional flavors.  Here you go:

Super Simple Shrimp

Recipe By: Dale Lyles
Serving Size: 2

Ingredients:

  • 10-12 shrimp
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 1 clove garlic, pressed
  • 1/3 cup white wine
  • 1-2 tablespoon lemon juice
  • sea salt
  • white pepper

Directions:

  1. Season the shrimp with the salt and white pepper.
  2. In a skillet, melt the butter with the olive oil over medium heat.  Add the garlic and stir briefly.
  3. Add the shrimp and cook over medium-medium high heat for about 3 minutes on each side.  Remove to a plate.
  4. Add the wine and lemon juice, increase the heat, and gently boil until reduced by half.
  5. Put the shrimp back in, toss to cover, and serve.

Yum.

A cocktail, of sorts

Okay.  Can we talk?

A couple of months ago I was in a liquor store frequented by my Eldest Son1 and came across a bottle of Feni.

Feni, as the label on the bottle has it, is “an exotic spirit 3x distilled from cashew apples and native to Goa, India.  Feni has a rich mysterious taste with fruity flavors of pineapple, citrus, and cashew apple.  Since the 1700s Feni has been popular in Indian cuulture. Feni is to Goa, India, just as Scotch is to Scotland and tequila is to Mexico.”

Well, I mean to say, wot?

Misreading the bottle entirely, I was intrigued by the idea of a “cashew liquor” and thought how much fun it would be to get in on it before all those trendy bartenders featured in liquor.com emails.

Oh my.  The rich, mysterious taste of cashew apples, i.e., the fleshy part of the tree-spawn from which dangles the oh-so-tasty nut, is apparently an acquired cultural taste.  It’s pretty nasty, and I say this as a man who bravely assayed Hog Master liqueur.2

But I persevere.  This evening I decided it was time to face my fears and create something drinkable from this stuff.  The official website was of no help at all—it was rife with recipes involving sweet-and-sour mix and/or Sour Apple schnapps and/or Sprite.  I am not making this up.

So I breathed in the nose of the stuff, took a tiny3 swig, and came up with this:

A Feni cocktail

  • .75 oz Feni
  • .75 oz Butterscotch schnapps
  • .75 oz honey whiskey

Stir with ice, strain, garnish with lemon.

That’s the best that I could do.  It’s drinkable, but if I were you I’d make it with 1/2 oz portions instead.

Equal portions of limoncello and Feni are passable, if you like limoncello.

—————

1 He is my only son, and hence my eldest.

2 Which I gave to my Eldest Son, who then pranked all of his friends with it.

3 tiny

A pome

No one mourns the armadillo,
No one sighs, so o’er-woe’d.
No one plants the yew or willow
Where he lies beside the road.

Hm. I think it needs moar verses.

edited: changed “grieves” to “mourns” because euphony

edited again: changed “died” to “lies” because euphony

I don’t get it.

I truly don’t understand why Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan aren’t actively campaigning for Hillary Clinton right now.

Let’s face it, I think they have long since realized they personally would be better off if she won the election.  After all, what are the possibilities?

  1. Trump is an enormous drag on the downballot races.  At the moment, there’s a real chance the Republicker Party could lose the Senate and a non-zero chance of the House as well.  Republicker candidates all across the nation are distancing themselves from their candidate for President, even to the extent of running ads that they would “stand up to” Trump if necessary.  A few have gone so far as to actively endorse Hillary Clinton.
  2. And if Trump wins the White House?  What’s it going to look like for McConnell and Ryan when they either have to vote against their President’s legislation or (more likely) are unable to control the crazies in their own party who will surge forward with truly appalling ideas which Trump would sign?  And in the next election?  Do they think they will survive primary challenges from their crazies?
  3. Then we have the problem that the Republickers don’t currently govern or legislate anyway.  They seem to have lost the knack for doing their jobs: the current Congress is the least productive ever.  They can name a post office or two, but they can’t even pass funding to control the Zika virus, much less anything more broadly useful.
  4. They are far more comfortable — certainly more experienced in — opposing the person in the White House.  If they got their candidate in there, they would have to work with him and even, maybe, govern — if they weren’t consumed by mopping up his messes.  [See 1 & 2.]  If Clinton were elected, they could just sit back and continue being whiny-ass titty-baby obstructionists like they are now.

So clearly it would be in their best interests to endorse Hillary Clinton so as not to rock their little boat.

Except for how all the amygdalas they’ve stampeded about Clinton being Satan incarnate would run right over them.

Hm.  Sounds like they’re screwed.

What a pity.

Is Donald Trump addicted to drugs?

Is Donald Trump on drugs?  I don’t know, I’m asking.  So many people think, you know, it’s interesting, that there he is, unable to resist the tiniest criticisms,  lashing out at Mr. and Mrs. Khan as if it were a natural thing when you know it’s not, nobody not on drugs acts like that, do they?  I’m just asking. Many people have told me they think he is because how else do you explain the explosive, petty behavior, the lies, have you noticed how much he says that apparently he just makes up on the spot and then he won’t say he goofed, is that even normal? Is that meth is that how people on meth behave, I don’t know, it’s just a thing I’ve heard.  Rich people don’t use meth, maybe it’s cocaine, could be, or maybe something else. It’s a disgrace if he’s on drugs, but I don’t know, he probably isn’t.  Is he?  I mean, if he were, so many people, but I can’t really tell.  The media should look into it.  I don’t know.  It’s troubling, very troubling. Sad.

I wish to confess.

I’ve done a thing.

Whether it turns out to be a Thing remains to be seen, but if it does, I want this on the record.

Donald J. Trump, the Republican candidate for President of the United States, has been saying outrageous, jawdropping shit since the very beginning of his campaign: Mexican immigrants are rapists; we should kill the families of terrorists; on and on and on, until yesterday’s1 snarky comment requesting that Vladimir Putin hack Hillary Clinton’s emails.

In other words, a candidate for the highest office in the world invited a foreign power to a) cyberattack his opponent, thereby b) influencing an American election.

Jebus.

Can you imagine, I thought, how the howler monkeys would react if Hillary Clinton had said or done any of these things?

We would never hear the end of it, would we?

Can you imagine…

And so I did.  I made up “screenshots” of Fox News with a chyron at the bottom framing Trump’s words and actions as if they had been said by Clinton.  Often I used Trump’s own words.

Here you go:

I then posted all of these on Facebook, without comment.  My liberal friends were puzzled at first, then one by one they caught on.

Here’s one consequence that I think is possible: these are going to get shared, and at some point, one or more of them is going to take on a life of its own.  It’s going to become one of those memes that infect your stream, and probably it’s going to be shared by conservative amygdalas who want to hammer Clinton as hard as they can.2  Since they have spent the last five months practically ignoring Trump saying these things, it won’t even dawn on them that they’re being lied to.3

So if any of these go viral and it all starts getting crazy, then Snopes, here I am.  I did it.  I did all of them.  None of them are true.  They are performance art: imagine if a Democratic politician, particularly Hillary Clinton, had said or done the things that Donald Trump has done.  Fox & Friends would have gone apoplectic.

And for those who got suckered in: no, Snopes is not a “liberal” website.  It’s unfortunate that, as Stephen Colbert always said, “facts have a liberal bias,” but there you go.  Hillary Clinton never said any of those things.  And Fox didn’t gig her for it.  I made it up.  Snopes is correct.

BTW, here’s the original image:

You can find it via Google Image search: fox news chyron

Incidentally, I’m not sharing this post on Facebook, the more better for the joke, I hope.  However, I don’t think it would matter to some of the amygdalas if they followed a link here.  Some of them I’ve dealt with recently would read that these things are not true and that I know because I created them to be deliberate lies, and they would still believe that they could be true.  Even after reading that sentence, they wouldn’t believe it.  Watch and see.

—————

1 Today’s?  I can’t keep track.

2 Or Bernie/Busters.  They can be pretty amygdalan as well.

3 It never dawns on them.  See my post on the NFL banning the National Anthem, or the recent idiocy about the Democratic National Convention banning the American flag.