Snark

Well. Sometimes I think that public figures just have better script writers than we do, you know?

I don’t think my personal sitcom could ever reach these heights: Florida state representative Bob Allen (D/R?-no really, guess which party) chairs the Florida House Energy Committee and co-chairs John McCain’s campaign in Florida. He is the Police Union’s 2007 Lawmaker of the Year, and he of course, of course!, sponsored six different sex crime bills this year alone, with three focusing on indecent exposure and soliciting sex, and one in particular to “crack down on soliciting sex in public parks.”

We will now pause a moment for everyone to guess what Rep. Allen was arrested for last month in Titusville.

If you guessed “offering oral sex to an undercover agent in a public restroom,” you are clearly ready for a career either in Los Angeles or Washington, DC, if not in Tallahassee.

As you know, I am not easily shocked, but I am easily amused. Rep. Allen is now a personal hero of mine, not because he declined to pay $20 for a blowjob and then offered to do the other guy for free instead, but rather because of his explanation. He had taken shelter in the public toilet, he says, because it was raining, and it seemed to him to be safer to stay in the john than to, I don’t know, get in his car and drive home.

All yet might have been well, if only this guy hadn’t approached him. Wouldn’t you know it, the undercover agent (as it turned out) was, in Rep. Allen’s words, “a pretty stocky black guy, and there’s other black guys around in the park that, you know!” Rep. Allen’s nervousness reached new heights.

And so, in a fit of panic, one supposes, Rep. Allen offered to do the guy so he could get away from him. Clever move, Rep. Allen. Maybe a bit unclear on the concept of “evasive tactics,” but who among us can say what we would do if we were taking shelter in a public park’s men’s room late at night and were approached by some dude who to all appearances was a prostitute?

Okay, so most of us can say what we would do, and it wouldn’t be to offer the guy trade. My own personal response would be to murmur, “Why, how kind of you to think of me, but I must decline. Thank you anyway.” A polite smile and a small nod of the head, perhaps, and then a quiet, “Perhaps you will excuse me,” as I left to take my chances in the downpour. But that’s just me. Your mileage might vary.

It occurs to me, because I am of a wicked turn of mind, that at least we know now why he is the Police Union’s Lawmaker of the Year.

Copyright (Day 292/365)

The other day I got an invitation to submit something to the “Outside the Bachs” competition, administered by composer Mark Burrows for the Choral Union of the First United Methodist Church in Forth Worth. This is not as big a deal as it sounds. As a member of the American Composers Forum, I often get notices of competitions like this. Last year, I submitted something (I’ve already forgotten what), so now I’m on their mailing list.

Still, if I can, I’ll come up with something. It has to be SATB, piano or organ accompaniment, sacred text, not necessarily Christian. My problem is that I have to find a text.

In the middle of the night last night, as I lay awake for one reason or another, I thought about this:

A Elbereth Gilthoniel,
silivren penna míriel
o menel aglar elenath!
Na-chaered palan-díriel
o galadhremmin ennorath,
Fanuilos, le linnathon
nef aear, sí nef aearon!


O Elbereth, Star-kindler!
You of course recognize it as the hymn sung to Varda, Queen of the Valar, by the Elves of Middle-Earth. Certainly a sacred text, if not quite what Mark Burrows had in mind. It would be a lovely challenge to set to music.

I will pause for a moment to see if you can think of why this text might be problematic.

Yes, of course, you see, it took me a few minutes of thought to remember that this is not in fact an ancient text, but a copyrighted work of fiction, not even 100 years old, written by John Ronald Reuel Tolkien. I cannot set it to music without getting permission from the copyright holder, or in this case, his literary executor, Christopher Tolkien.

Which brings me to my actual topic today: copyright and the commons. Recently, in the august pages of the New York Times, novelist and right-wing arse Mark Helprin wrote a guest column in which he wondered exactly why intellectual property is treated so very differently from real property. His main point, as far as I could tell — the man does not write well — was that if you build a business or a building, the government does not step in after you’re dead and dismantle it, depriving your heirs of the income of your property. So why, oh why, will his heirs not receive the royalties from his books in perpetuity?

He presents no evidence as to why this is a good idea for society, nor does he present any counterclaims to his whining. This is remarkable, because he actually filled half the editorial page with this column, and yet the actual content of his argument is no more than what I have just summarized.

I don’t think he was lazy. I think he was dishonest. Any real argument as to the validity or even desirability of his proposal would have to include a discussion of the concept of the “commons,” and almost anyone who bothered to read the column would see straight through his specious logic.

Here’s the deal: many years ago, there was no copyright. People created, and other people borrowed what they created. Bach’s Concerto for Four Harpsichords? A straight transcription of Vivaldi’s Concerto for Four Violins. Shakespeare? Don’t get me started on his outright theft of other people’s stuff.

The upside of this was that everyone created constantly. They had to if they wanted to keep making a living. Shakespeare didn’t publish his plays during his lifetime because if he did, his company would lose their exclusive production rights. And that was the downside. You couldn’t be assured of the income of your works because anyone else could print them and sell them without paying you a farthing.

So eventually, a couple hundred years ago, the concept of copyright emerged. Like the concept of the corporation, it was conceived as a temporary stay against the claims of the commons, i.e., what one of us creates belongs to all of us, but for a little while, we’ll allow you exclusive right to any income produced by your work. After that limited time, it goes into the pot with everything else to enrich all our lives. Keep creating!

At first, copyright was very limited, like fourteen years, much like today’s patents for new medicines (which is seven years, after which we get to pay lower prices for generic versions). As time went on, laws extended copyright for longer and longer until now it’s the life of the author plus 70 years, and for a corporation, 95 years. This means that I won’t be able to use A Elbereth Gilthoniel until 2043, when it will enter the public domain 70 years after Tolkien’s death.

It also means that Walt Disney Co. gets to keep Steamboat Willie out of the public domain. The 1998 law that extended copyright is known as the “Mickey Mouse Protection Act” in some cynical quarters, and that’s what this is all about: protecting income for corporations. Disney is ferocious in guarding its copyrights and trademarks, and the idea that the first Mickey Mouse cartoon was about to be free drove them all insane.

All Mark Helprin is doing, in his conservative little way, is hopping on Disney’s juggernaut. Screw the common good; just give him his share. Forever. This, from the author of:

and

Was there any trace of irony in Helprin’s column? Nope, just very very sincere self-interest.

Discuss.

Heavens to Betsy

From the great state of Utah, in the department of Conservatives Who Are Not Like You or Me:

[District 65 Chairman Don ] Larsen is urging the closing of national borders to illegal immigrants to “prevent the destruction of the U.S. by stealth invasion.”

“In order for Satan to establish his ‘New World Order’ and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the Scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.,” his resolution states. “The mostly quiet and unspectacular invasion of illegal immigrants does not focus the attention of the nations the way open warfare does, but is all the more insidious for its stealth and innocuousness.”

In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants “hate American people” and “are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won’t do.”

Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to “destroy Christian America” and replace it with “a godless new world order — and that is not extremism, that is fact,” Larsen said.

At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. “by self invasion.”

Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as “Joe,” said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because “they are not going to become Republicans and stop flying the flag upside down. … If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we do.”

 

Somehow, comment would be superfluous. I yield the floor.

 

A snark

This email arrived in my box at school this morning:

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

  • What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
  • What if we flipped through it several times a day?
  • What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
  • What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
  • What if we treated it like we couldn’t live without it?
  • What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
  • What if we used it when we traveled?
  • What if we used it in case of emergency?
  • This is something to make you go …hmm….where is my Bible?

Oh , and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don’t have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think “where are my priorities?

And no dropped calls!

I don’t know why this kind of thing gets on my nerves, because it’s perfectly sincere in its insecure way. But it does. If I had to be specific, I guess I’d have to say it’s the implied martyrdom that so many of our more conservative Christian friends like to assume. They’re really more comfortable believing they’re in the minority and are persecuted like Paul or Stephen. Lacking convenient ways to be crucified upside down or to be stoned by the community, they pretend someone is throwing rocks at them anyway.

Anyway, I couldn’t resist. I wrote, but did not send out to the whole school like the other person, “What if we treated our cell phones like Bibles?”

  • What if we thought that people who didn’t have cell phones were going to burn in hell?
  • What if we killed people over which cell phone company was the best one?
  • What if most people thought that those new-fangled cell phones that took pictures and did email weren’t “the real cell phone”?
  • What if we decided that we should live our lives only after checking for messages on the cell phone?
  • What if we all heard different messages when we checked?
  • What if we called those who acted on those different messages “godless” or “neanderthals” or any other derogatory term?
  • What if we wanted to make everyone else turn off their cell phones and use only ours?

That’s all I’ve got so far. Any suggestions?

Comment

It’s 11:30. I’m still waiting it out in Hartsfield.

These days, in airports, you see dozens of soldiers in their new camo uniforms. It makes me grieve, the thoughts of these people being sacrificed in an illegal, immoral war, essentially because of the ego of Our Fearless Leader George W. Bush.

I think I shall pretend that every soldier I see is here because he or she is heading home. If war criminal George W. Bush can pretend that we’re winning, much less that this war is winnable, then I can pretend we’ve won.

Comment

from the New York Times, 2/26/07, p. A7:

Headline: Pakistan Police Detain Opposition Members Ahead of Protests

The police detained hundreds of political opposition members in an attempt to thwart nationwide protests planned for Monday to denounce Gen. Pervez Musharraf’s suspension of the chief justice.

Perhaps this is what the NYPD (and the Bush/Cheney regime, buddies of Musharraf) had in mind in 2003. Or even now.

Comment

From the New York Times, front page, 3/25/07:

, from an intelligence report on a series of concerts planned in 2003:

“Activists are showing a well-organized network made up of anti-Putin sentiment; the mixing of music and political rhetoric indicates sophisticated organizing skills with a specific agenda. Police departments in above listed areas have been contacted regarding this event.”

The concerts were scheduled for New York, Washington, Seattle, San Francisco, and Boston.

Oh, wait, did I say Putin? Silly me. The NYPD were spying on anti-Bush musicians. They were contacting other police departments to be aware of the serious crime of criticizing the American President.

Appropriately enough, we have 666 days left to go.

Comment

The White House is becoming quite agitated that the Senate is about to require its staff members to testify publicly and under oath. Not going to do it, they hint.

I guess I have to side with my conservative brethren on this one: If you haven’t done anything wrong, what do you have to be afraid of? Or is that not what they meant by that?

In other news, former Senator Fred Thompson is flirting with the press over whether he will run for the Republican nomination for President. Well, all I can say is, if he does, I want Martin Sheen on the Democratic side.

At least then we will know for sure that the days of the Republic are over.

Comment

Not so much a rant as a snark. And yes, I know I haven’t even written Thursday’s 365 post yet. Sue me.

From the New York Times, “Suspension of Jurist Unleashes Furor Against Musharraf,” 3/15/07:

A political and legal maelstrom has erupted after Pakistan’s president, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, unceremoniously suspended the country’s chief justice last week, in a step that lawyers and rights activists have called an assault on the independence of the judiciary.

Damn savages. Thank [insert appropriate deity here] that that kind of shenanigans wouldn’t ever happen here.

Comment

From the New York Times, 3/12/07, an article about Bush wanting Congress to approve money for an additional 8,000 troops “with no strings attached”:

Referring to the increase of 21,5000 troops that he announced in January, Mr. Bush said during a press briefing here [Bogota], “Those combat troops are going to need some support, and that’s what the American people are seeing in terms of Iraq, the support troops that are necessary to help the reinforcements do their job.”

I’m sorry, did that make any sense to anyone else? “That’s what the American people are seeing in terms of Iraq.” What?? I read it five times. The Current Occupant is incoherent.

In other news, an Israeli amabassador to Panama… well, just go read it for yourself: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20070312/israel-ambassador-recalled

Some careers have all the fun.