An hypothesis

I have an hypothesis.

You are probably aware of the fungus Ophiocordyceps unilateralis which turns ants into “zombies.” If not, check it out here.

I have become convinced that something similar is happening all around us. Somehow, a parasite has adapted itself to the human race, specifically the males. I’m not sure how it happens, but somehow this parasite finds a way into the body, probably in the adolescent period—I’m not prepared to speculate how, but suspect it’s sexual—and embeds itself, biding its time.

Then, as the victim reaches an advanced age, 60 or greater, the parasite climbs to the brain, where it compels him to go out and buy a little red truck.

Then, having purchased this vehicle, the victim takes it out on the road and drives slowly. Everywhere. In front of me.

Now, I have no idea what evolutionary advantage this gives the parasite, but I am certain that this is the only explanation for an otherwise inexplicable phenomenon.


7 thoughts on “An hypothesis

  1. I don’t know that a great deal of discussion is required. If we one to feel compelled to test your theory, I would suggest focusing on two possible weaknesses in your theory:

    1. I not sure the truck is always red, so we’d need to evaluate the color component.
    2. I do not think they drive exclusively in front of you.

    I will be writing the Nobel committee on your behalf. I am concerned, however, that they will look askance at the amount of experience you have in the field. I understand they are focusing on individuals with considerably less these days.

  2. re: (1) above

    Today, my own inattention prevented me from providing vivid support of the red truck portion of the theory. Stopped at the light at I-85 (returning from Wal-Mart), directly in front of me, in both lanes, were red trucks driven by hosts of this parasite, which for the nonce I am naming Rubioplaustum Cerebrevehensis. By the time I whipped out my camera, they, probably sensing my interest, had scattered.

    Our subject is wily. Caution is required.

    Furthermore, from that point to my driveway, I counted seven (7) red trucks driven by possible victims.

    As for (2), it is not necessary for the purposes of the hypothesis that they drive in front of me only. Indeed, I think that other sightings would enhance the viability of my proposal rather than the inverse.

  3. I have to say, however, that my hypothesis does have at least one gap in it, to wit: if, as I suspect, the parasite reproduces via human sexual encounters, then the consequent is fairly squick-inducing. How, after all, does it go from an elderly male to an adolescent one?

    On the other hand, it would explain an awful lot of Republican behavior.

  4. Your Alexa ranking is 8,101,558. The Lichtenbergian web site ranks 4,947,244. Jeff Payne’s is 5,314.001. John Hickman’s site has no ranking. That is all. Pull your drawers up.

  5. The McCain/Palin thing is a red [see what I did there?] herring. There is a far higher correlation with “Dawg Fan” stickers.

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