It’s been a while since I’ve gone on a liberal rant, mainly because the conservatives these days are so head-slappingly idiotic that it hardly seems worthwhile to complain about them.

But even though the Republican Presidential candidate debates are particularly popcorn-worthy, an idea occurred to me this morning on the way to work that I have to share.  It concerns Herman Cain, one of the quasi-front-runners in the Republican race.

First of all: honey, please.  Does anything think this person is going to be the Republican candidate, much less the next black President of the U.S.?  Not after I get through with what I have to say.

In one of the debates—it was #143, I think, the one in Talladega—Herman Cain shared his solution to the illegal immigrant issue.  I’ll link to it so you can read for yourself, but essentially, operating on the premise that one can never be too grotesquely bloodthirsty to gross out the Republican base, he proposes an electrified fence, and if that doesn’t stop the Mescans, shoot them.

No, really.

Now you might think this would shoot Cain to the top of the polls, and if you go read the comments on the FreeRepublic, you’d be right.  But I’m here to tell you that Herman Cain is nothing but a big-government, big-spending Marxist.  How do you think that big old fence is going to get built?  Volunteer labor?  Heck no, that’s going to be one more gigantic gummint boondoggle, costing billions of tax dollars to begin with and like as not going billions over budget.  You can’t tell me that’s not Cain’s plan from the get-go.

[And no, the billions of tax dollars being spent on the fence would not be creating jobs.  Don’t be stupid.  The government can never create jobs.  It just spends money, building fences.  And highways.  And dams.  And bridges.  But jobs?  Honey, please.]

What would a real teabaggin’ Reagan Republican do?  Privatize, that’s what!

Why devote gummint soldiers to the task of shooting down illegals when you can sell off the hunting rights to the private citizens of Arizona and Texas to do it theirselves?  It’s a win-win situation, y’all: we the freedom-loving taxpayers get the income from the rentals; the border states get an economic boost in the areas of deer stands, ammo, and liquor; and the whole nation benefits from being rid of those devious Mescans who love nothing better than to swarm into our country and take those $5.00/hour jobs picking tomatoes in Alabama.

So the next time you hear someone speak admirably of Herman Cain, feel free to point out to them that the man is no better than Barack HUSSEIN Obama.  Worse: because Obama hasn’t proposed devoting nearly the amount of government money to creating jobs for Americans that Herman Cain has.

I await a grateful nation’s thanks.

I posted this on Facebook, but I think I need to record it for posterity here. Plus you never know how many out of my thousands of readers are not on Facebook.

It appears that John McCain‘s running mate has applied to register her name as a trademark. I am not making this up, because I don’t have to.

I wish to declare for all the world to see that I support her in this, and in fact, I am going to don my Trademark Police uniform and make sure that any time I see her name in print, I will correct anyone who does not print it correctly, i.e., Sarah Palin®.

Of course, as soon as the news broke, the application was refused, but I blame this on the lamestream media and the leftist establishment. I see no reason not to give Sarah Palin® what she wants on this one.

This way, no one in America will be unclear in the least about Sarah Palin® and her goals, not to mention her intent to rake in all the cash that’s out there in this great land of ours. And I think we should be clear about that.

So, Sarah Palin®, here’s to you! May you forever remain as secure a brand as Aunt Jemima®, Betty Crocker®, and Mr. Peanut®!

update: Sarah Palin®, speaking to the Christian Broadcasting Network, criticized the media, saying, “I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism.” I don’t think I could have said it better for her.

I don’t know why Clear Channel in Tucson decided to take this billboard down.

I’m pretty sure those are not meant to be bullet holes. I’m pretty sure they are in fact assholes.

Glen Beck has urged Sarah Palin to make sure she has beefed up security for herself and her family, because, and I quote:

An attempt on you could bring the republic down.

I’d like to assure Mr. Beck that he can sleep easy, because even if something happens to Mrs. Palin, we still have Snooki.

In the wake of the assassination attempt on Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, the usual handwringing has begun, and much of it has bent over backwards to manufacture false equivalencies in the “overheated political rhetoric” department. “Both sides do it,” goes the simpering cry.

I call bullshit.

You have probably seen this:

Sure. If you go to Google and do an image search for “liberal hunting license,” you get all kinds of wacky stuff.

So if you go to Google and do an image search for “conservative hunting license,” you will get the opposing side, proof that both sides do it, right? Not so much.

Remember that the next time you feel it’s important to be “fair” and blame both sides.

Yes, dear reader, this is my 1000th post. And that’s all the memorialization you’re going to get on that one.

Especially since the tenor of this post is so mean that I’d hate to assign any sentimentality to it.

This passed across my screen this morning. Go head, peruse it.

If only it were as easy to disrupt the reputation of every right-wing jerk. I don’t even feel a smidgen of liberal guilt over what has happened to this particular jerk.

In fact, I’m linking to Savage’s site multiple times right here just to drive up the Googlosity.