Isn’t that an interesting photo? Kind of like the minimalist stuff you would see in some of our tonier galleries, right?

But that’s not what I’m ranting about today. Do you know why I have these four paper bags?

I have these four paper bags because, in the state of Georgia, you cannot be seen leaving a store having bought a completely legal substance without concealing that substance in a paper bag. It’s kind of like Utah’s law that you cannot, as a bar, mix a cocktail in front of a minor.

These four bags came from Kroger, and of course they were placed in plastic bags — which apparently don’t sufficiently conceal my completely legal purchase.

What on earth is the purpose of this law? If I walk out of Kroger carrying a bottle of white Bordeaux, for example, is Carrie Nations going to rise from her grave and do the Bodysnatchers point-and-scream at me? Is a Baptist going to faint right there in the parking lot? Are little children going to rush the beer aisle and get snockered on IPAs?

Thanks to my paper cloaking device, though, none of these things will happen, I guess. Baptists will never know that I’ve bought a completely legal substance for my personal use, right?

If a callous sophisticate buys a bottle of booze and a Baptist can’t tell what he’s bought because of the paper cloaking device, does the callous sophisticate still go to hell?

Not to alarm you, any Puritans out there reading this, but your paranoia is justified: we are all out here, somewhere, having fun. It is not your job to stop us.