Missed opportunity

I had a scathingly brilliant idea this morning, but unfortunately I think it’s too late to get rich off of it. Because I could have made a bundle.

The idea is simplicity itself: from my CaféPress store, sell t-shirts that say, “Count Me Out: just say no to the Census.”

See? Wingnuts would have purchased them by the gross. I probably could have sold at least 1,000 to the Teabagger Express or whatever they’re calling it. Heck, as long as the Koch brothers are paying for it, I could have sold them 50,000, and then they could claim they had that many participants in their dog-and-pony show. As opposed to the 500 who actually show up.

It is beyond me, of course, why these people have suddenly taken it into their heads that the Census is an unimaginable governmental intrusion into their privacy. First of all, they spend their days screaming about how Obama, the Antichrist, is robbing us all of our personal freedoms. (Exactly which freedoms those are is a little unclear to me. And to them: I’ve never heard any teabagger actually enumerate a constitutional freedom that we’re in danger of losing. Hold that thought, though, I’m coming back to it.)

So if their rallying cry is “Bring back the Constitution,” I truly don’t understand why they’re suddenly against one of the very clear items in that estimable document. You don’t even have to read very far into it:

Article I, Section 2:

Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons. The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode-Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New-York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five, and Georgia three.

And no, the questions on the form are not new. They’ve been asked for over a hundred years, at least. And it’s the friggin’ law, people.

All of this is especially astounding when you consider that this very same subset of the population leapt to the defense of George W. Bush’s flagrant violation of the Fourth Amendment, and still do. Surveillance of U.S. citizens without a warrant? No problem. No problem at all. Apparently that’s governmental intrusion into our privacy we can all believe in. (However, once they realize that Obama is continuing this vile practice, they may decide it’s an outrageous violation of all we stand for.)

So yes: a built-in market for a wonderfully simple idea. If only I had had it two months ago, I could have suckered these pitiful, delusional, fearful pawns of the right wing power structure into giving me all their money while promoting a self-defeating idea. It’s a win-win for all of us.

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