A goodbye (Day 13/265)

Today we take Grayson to Guilford College.

This is ripping my heart out. I haven’t even allowed myself to think about what we’re doing, even though his stuff is all packed and waiting to be loaded in the van.

He’s asleep in his room. This is it, the last time he wakes up in his room. From now on, he’s a visitor; it will always be a question of when he’s leaving again.

What am I going to do? This child is my best friend, the one with whom I share the most in common, the one with whom I laugh the most. What will I do without him?

Of course it has never occurred to me to try to “keep” him. Only very foolish parents try to do that, those who have deluded themselves into believing that their children understand and reciprocate the deep attachment we have for them. And they are deluded.

So when we get to Guilford, I’m not sure how useful all the sessions on “letting go” are going to be. I know what that’s about. I just can’t stop it from hurting.

One thought on “A goodbye (Day 13/265)

  1. If one is to have problems, this is the sort one should have: a relationship so filled with love that departure aches. I’ve watched many adults (including my own parents) suffer pains associated with separation from thier children, but far fewer that would use statements like “…share the most in common…” or “…laugh the most…” to describe the nature of the relationship. Normally one would like to tell a friend “I’m sorry you’re hurting”, but I’m not entirely comfortable with that in this case. Instead, I wish God’s richest blessings on you and Grayson as your relationship enters this next chapter.

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