The History of Tommy Lee Jones

 

An Actor

 

Book III

 

Containing the Most Noble Scenes Which Transpired at the Institution of Higher Learning Known as Harvard University, from the Time When Tommy Jones Arrived at the Age of Eighteen, Till He Attained the Age of Twenty-Two. In This Book the Reader May Pick up Some Hints Concerning the Education of Young Men.

 

Chapter One

 

A Young Man From Tennessee Presents the Heroe with Strange Omens for the Future of Life on Earth

At this point it is prudent, if not necessary, to remind the reader that from the onset of this history the author has stated that no information would be imparted that is in any way false or fantasy, at least, to the best of the author’s knowledge of the events that passed. It is imperative to bear this crucial fact in mind, Dear Reader, as we follow our hero through the subsequent events of his youth, as pages that follow will seem an invention of a very creative author’s imagination. Though the thought will enter your mind, my dear reader, I remind you perish it, for everything you stand to encounter is as authentic as the words on this page.

Having arrived on the revered campus, an outsider from a minuscule, inconsequential village in Texas, our hero found himself very much alone. He stood there encumbered by boxes, duffels, and other accoutrement that a young man residing away from home for the first time may consider essential to life, and found himself standing just outside the dorm room to which he had been assigned, not quite sure how he had even gotten there. Dropping everything necessary to reach into his pocket, he retrieved a dingy old key and inserted it into the lock of the door marked B-12.

As the door creaked open, young Tommy was surprised to find, not only the lights already on, but another young man, his age, lying across the small bed to Tommy’s left. Upon seeing the door open, the young man on the bed stood, dropping the book he had been reading. He was of an impressive height and muscular build, but knowing that our hero is of more than average height and build himself, the reader will not will not be surprised to learn that this was not the first peculiarity of which Tommy took note. He glanced down at the bed to the book that the young man had dropped when he stood: Global Warming, An Ever-Growing Threat.

“I guess we’re going to be roommates,” said the tall young man. His voice was deep and stilted, but his drawl was unmistakably Southern, which put Tommy at ease straight away…