Fear and loathing

Tonight I will have to work very hard to get IV. Lento to the double-bar, i.e., the transition into the G major portion of the movement so we can begin working towards its glorious ending. In preparation for this, I pulled up the file and listened to the whole thing this morning.

I hate it. It’s not compelling, it doesn’t sound inevitable, it sounds contrived, and of course the computer’s inability to sculpt any kind of sensitive performance makes it sound even worse.

That’s the loathing. The fear is that I can’t fix it. Is it a matter of orchestration? Do I just need to reassign what’s being played to some different combination of instruments? Or do I need to reconfigure the phrases themselves? Am I stuck in the same motives and need to find a fresher way to explore them? It just sounds stodgy right now.

Then there is the fact that Stephen has asked to see a score this weekend. There’s no way I can have the movement completed by then, of course, so that’s part of the panic and disappointment. The other part is the idea of letting someone who actually knows what’s what look at it. He’s already said he likes what he’s heard, but still…

Time’s wingéd chariot, and all that, eh, wot?

Maybe I’ll feel differently tonight.

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