I whacked out a melody (and harmonized it) for the chorus of “I Would Never” this morning, but I don’t like it. It doesn’t sound like something that Groucho would sing. It’s OK as a melody qua melody, but it doesn’t match the lyrics in a way that I like. Oh, it’s perky enough, especially for those variant lines at the end. That part might stay. It’s the first part that needs work.

Oh, you want to hear it? I don’t know that I should expose myself as such a fraud so close to the end here.

Here you go: iwouldneverchorus.mp3 It starts with “I… would…” held on two fermata’d notes, and then launches into it.

Here are the lyrics:

I would never (he’d never)
I’d never (no never)
deride or disparage an ex:
I’m such a defender
of the delicate gender,
my feelings so tender
for all of the opposite sex.

For Carol was crazy and Lucy was gay,
And as for poor Karrie, well, what can I say?
For much as I’d love to have wrung all their necks,
I’d never, no never, disparage an ex.

4 days to go.